For as long as I can remember, I have struggled to love and accept myself. I spent the majority of my life criticizing everything about me. The way I look, the way my jeans fit, how long my legs are, the size of my feet. Constantly striving for this state of perfection, and destroying myself when it wasn’t met. I have tried more ridiculous diets than I care to admit. I’ve dyed my hair, and changed my wardrobe. I have spent countless nights crying in my bathtub, begging to be different.
Now, fast forward to me today. I wish that I could tell you that I don’t still struggle with these things. That all of the fear and doubt of becoming is gone. Some days it’s still hard to look at myself in the mirror. I don’t always like who I see. But it’s better. I’m getting there. I have learned so much over the last few years about affirming who I am. I have taken great strides towards health. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too. I am not the same girl that I once was. I’m growing.
Poetry was my first love. I have used writing as a way to manage and express my feelings since I was in elementary school. I have never been good at keeping the words hidden inside of myself; as hard as I try, I am unable to contain them. Writing poems, journal entries, and even short stories has been a huge part of my journey towards self-acceptance. There is just something so therapeutic about putting pen to paper, and letting go of all of those thoughts that can get stuck in my head.
Another tremendous part of my journey has been grace. Undeniable grace that could have never come from me. Nothing I deserved, or even asked for, because I didn’t know I needed it. I am constantly still battling against it. Thinking I can do this on my own, when history proves I cannot. I am daily overwhelmed by God’s great mercy. A favor and kindness so extravagant, that led me to begin cultivating this life that brings honor and glory to Christ.
I met Mike, my best friend and now husband, in the midst of finding myself. In the big middle of figuring out who I am and who I want to be. And now, 9 years later, we have two amazing kiddos, and this life that I could have never imagined for myself. Mike is the one who ushered our family into health and wellness. And in faithfully following his lead, I have grown more than I ever thought possible. I am able to show my kids the importance of loving themselves in every stage of their lives. I am teaching them how to fight for true health.
For as long as I can remember, I have struggled to love and accept myself. But I can say with confidence now, that my past struggles and unbelief don’t define me. That is not who I am. I have been fearfully and wonderfully created by the God of the universe. I am messy and complicated. I get it wrong more than I get it right. I try and fail and beat myself up and try again. I am constantly learning, and growing, and changing. My hope for this blog is that it would be a place for me to write about my life. In all it’s imperfections. The things that inspire me and challenge me. The good food I eat and the good people I eat it with. When my kids are acting crazy. The things I’m working on and battling through. That perfect top I found at Target that you need to know about. Welcome to my beautifully, outrageous life.